quote-o-palooza
SAFFRON I am your wife. That was your agreement with Elder Gommen, since he hadn't cash or livestock --
MAL I'm-I'm sorry. Go back to the part... (beat) Where you're my wife?
MAL Zoe, why do I have a wife?
WASH We'd always hoped you two kids would get together. (to Mal) Who is she?
WASH As one married man to another --
MAL (yelling) I'm not married! (beat; to Saffron) I'm sorry. You-you have very nice qualities, but I didn't ever marry you.
BOOK (entering with encyclopedia) I believe you did. Last night.
MAL (aside, to Jayne) How drunk was I last night?
JAYNE Well I dunno. I passed out.
MAL Someone ever tries to kill you, you try to kill 'em right back! Look, wife or no, you are no one's property to be tossed aside. You got the right same as anyone to live and try to kill people.
BOOK If you take sexual advantage of her, you're going to burn in a very special level of hell. A level they reserve for child molesters and people who talk at the theater.
ZOE Remember that sex we were planning to have, ever again?
MAL No, I just -- um, I have captainy things to do. <...> You just... have somethin' to eat yourself, and uh, I will go captain --
MAL (entering) Can I come in?
INARA No.
MAL See? That's why I usually don't ask.
MAL You offering me a trade?!
JAYNE A trade?! Hell, it's theft. It's the best damn gun made by man. It has extreme sentimental value. It's miles more worthy than what you got.
MAL What I got? She has a name.
JAYNE So does this. I call it Vera.
MAL Well my days of not taking you seriously are certainly coming to a middle.
MAL Jayne! (beat) Go play with your rain stick.
MAL Oh, I long for a little dullness. Truth to say, this whole trip's gettin' to be just a little too interesting.
MAL You're, uh... uh... well, there you are.
SAFFRON I've made the bed warm for you.
MAL It looks, uh, warm.
SAFFRON And I've made myself ready for you.
MAL Let's ride right past the part where you explain exactly what that means. Didn't you see you got a room of your own?
SAFFRON And I'm to sleep there?
MAL That's the notion. Assuming you're... yeah. Sleepy.
SAFFRON But we've been wed. Aren't we to become one flesh?
MAL Well, no, uh... We're still two fleshes here, and I think that your flesh ought to sleep somewhere else.
SAFFRON I'm sorry. When we talked I'd hoped, but I don't -- (moves to stand)
MAL Whoa, hey! Flesh...
MAL Oh, I'm gonna go to the special hell.
WASH [Chinese - "Holy mother of god and all her wacky Nephews"] Do I wish I was somebody else right now. Somebody
not... married, not madly in love with a beautiful woman who can kill me with her pinkie!
ZOE So you two were kissin'?
BOOK Well. Isn't that... special?
ZOE My man would never fall for that [Chinese - "cheap floozy"].
WASH Most of my head wishes I had.
BOOK Our little Saffron's quite a wonder. I'm beginning to think she married beneath herself.
WASH Okay! Everybody not talking about sex, in here. Everybody else, elsewhere.
Джосс-гений!!!
The Mal of the Episode